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IT'S LITERALLY A FUCKING FACEHUGGER EXCEPT THE SIZE OF A PERSON AND WITH THE COMBINED BLOODLUST OF 120 MIDDLE-AGED OVERLY DRUNK MEN NAMED "HUNTER". (The guy was prepared and survived with no injuries, somehow). If you watch the Humboldt Squid video on the official National Geographic channel, you'll see one of these goddamn mind-flaying Bloodborne rejects get close to the diver, realize it's potential food, and TRY AND RIP THE GUY'S FUCKING MASK OFF WHILE HE'S UNDERWATER. There are several people who work with these squids who claim that they're "just doing it out of curiosity" or something like that, but I call bullshit. BUT THESE FUCKING SQUIDS? Oh no, these living nightmare engines will actively hunt down and attack humans - and they are smart enough to know EXACTLY what the fuck they're doing. However, in the grand scheme of things, sharks only kill around 11 people every year, and those attacks, as stated above, are accidents 99% of the time. Unfortunately, these initial bites can be pretty nasty, and this is the reason why shark attacks can be fatal. In both of these instances, sharks are not actively trying to hunt and kill humans, and after discovering that humans are gross, they'll just leave them alone. Do you know why sharks attack humans? In almost all instances of recorded shark attacks, the shark attacks for one of two reasons - either it mistakes the human for its natural prey, like a sea turtle or a seal due to their shape on something like a surfboard, or it takes a "test bite" and quickly discovers that human flesh tastes disgusting.

Oh, you poor, misguided and oblivious fool. Now, this may sound unnerving, but it's not that big of a deal, right? Tons of shark species are even more widespread and also come out primarily at night. No, these have been spreading like a fucking cephalopod plague, and can be found all across the US East Coast from Alaska as far down as motherfucking Peru. And they're not something that you'll only encounter in one specific tiny spot in the ocean. Meaning that if you DO have enough misfortune to meet one, it's going to be when the water is pitch black and you can't see it until it is right in front of you. Oh, and on the topic of time, these bastards almost only come out at night. If you go swimming in the wrong place at the wrong time, there is a definite possibility of coming across these unholy things that make Cthulhu himself piss his nonexistent pants enough to create an entire underwater brine pool. So the Humboldt Squid would be the same, right? WRONG! These motherfuckers come up to the surface - and they do it FREQUENTLY when in search of food. But of course, there are far larger species of squid such as the Giant Squid and Colossal Squid, which inhabit very deep waters thousands of meters below the surface. Already, a squid this size would be horrifying to come across. There are even claims of individuals reaching 12-14 feet long. Meaning each of their tentacles is the length and width of a person's entire arm.

That's as long as a fully-grown average adult is tall. Like, they can reach lengths of up to 2 meters, or 6 feet.

First and foremost, these things are MASSIVE. Let me tell you why Dosidicus gigas, also known as the Humboldt Squid, is the most terrifying fucking creature in existence, and scare me more than any other living thing that has, and ever will, set foot on this planet.